I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
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I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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