We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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