she looked like the bat from fern gully.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
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When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
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spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
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