I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
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does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
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Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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