I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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