I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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