after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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