I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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