You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
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She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
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Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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