as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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