The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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