I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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