how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
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And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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