I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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