So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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