You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think I won the penis lottery.
if only i could text you this smell
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize