you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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