I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I understand Curling. That high.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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