happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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