All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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