he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
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fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
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Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
how drunk are you?
Several
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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