How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
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I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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