The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize