i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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