my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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