2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
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i wish my penis had a tongue
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
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You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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