The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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