Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
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When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I got inside last night via doggy door
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize