Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize