I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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