I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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