I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
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asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When did angry sex become our thing?
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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