I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
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