just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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