That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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