Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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