I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
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She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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