I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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