My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize