..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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