At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
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I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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