I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize