Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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