let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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