Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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