I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize