Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
