It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
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I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
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Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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