i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
there's paper in my vomit.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
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I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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