Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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