You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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